When bullying hurts: How school staff can make a lasting difference and reduce school absence

By Gemma Campbell, child and adolescent counsellor and clinical content lead at Kooth, the UK’s largest digital youth mental health support service.

As mental health professionals, we see every day how much of an impact school staff can have on a young person’s sense of safety and belonging. School is meant to be a place where students feel supported and free to be themselves, but when bullying occurs, that sense of security can be shaken - sometimes so much that students avoid coming to school altogether.

The effects reach far beyond the students directly involved. Witnesses, friends, and even staff can feel the ripple of harm. Persistent bullying can lead to increased school absence, disengagement, and emotional withdrawal. That’s why it’s so important that schools create environments where everyone, not just those being targeted, feels seen, supported, and safe, helping to keep students connected to their education and their peers.

The hidden emotional impact Bullying is never just a passing experience. For some young people, it leaves lasting emotional scars. Feelings of fear, sadness, loneliness, and shame can take hold, sometimes leading to low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression. These emotions don’t always show up in obvious ways. You might notice changes in behaviour, including a student withdrawing from friends, avoiding certain spaces, complaining of headaches or stomachaches, or seeming more tired and irritable than usual.

Every young person expresses distress differently. What matters most is noticing when something feels different. A simple, gentle check-in from a trusted adult can open the door to understanding and can be the first step toward helping that student feel safe again.

You might notice declining grades, reduced participation, or a loss of interest in subjects and activities they once enjoyed. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “This child seems so unmotivated, uninterested, or moody,” you’re not alone, but try simply swapping those words for “distressed” and see how it changes your perspective.

That small shift in language helps us move from frustration to understanding. It reminds us that behaviour is often communication and that behind what looks like disengagement, there’s usually a young person trying to cope with something that feels too big to handle alone.

Taking a compassionate, curious approach by asking ‘what might be going on underneath this behaviour?’ can help uncover what a young person truly needs to feel supported.

When school starts to feel unsafe

For some students, bullying can make school feel like a place to avoid rather than a place to belong. They might skip certain lessons, linger in different areas, or, in more serious cases, stop attending altogether.

In these moments, it’s important to remember that avoidance often isn’t defiance, it’s self-protection. The student may be doing the best they can to cope with a situation that feels frightening or overwhelming.

When staff approach these situations with empathy and curiosity, it helps rebuild safety and trust - two of the most powerful foundations for healing and re-engagement. 

The power of being heard

One of the most protective factors for any young person facing bullying is having an adult who really listens. When staff take time to hear a student’s story and believe what they’re saying, it can be deeply validating and healing. This connection also lays the groundwork for taking meaningful, practical steps to stop the bullying and restore a sense of safety.

However, we know that not every student finds it easy to speak up. Some may have lost trust after seeing bullying go unaddressed in the past. Rebuilding trust takes time and compassion. Showing curiosity, consistency, and care may help far more than saying, “We can’t do anything unless you tell us,” which can leave a young person feeling the weight of responsibility they shouldn’t have to carry.

Building a culture of care

As mental health professionals, we’ve seen how powerful school culture can be in shaping young people’s experiences. When staff model kindness, empathy, and respect, students learn that this is what community looks like.

Creating that culture isn’t about a single intervention or policy, it’s about daily actions that tell young people, you matter here. When students see bullying being taken seriously, when they feel listened to and protected, they’re far more likely to thrive both emotionally and academically.

And the role school staff play in that process is irreplaceable. A moment of empathy, a listening ear, or a small act of care can make all the difference to a young person who feels alone. Because sometimes, it’s not about having all the answers, it’s about helping a young person feel seen, believed, and safe again.

At Kooth, that’s exactly what we’re here for. Our work is all about helping children and young people feel heard, valued, and understood and supporting the adults around them to create the kind of environments where young people can truly belong. Together, we can make sure no child faces their struggles in silence.

See our latest research and short video created in partnership with The Diana Award here